Douchebag Ken

After several trips to various Target stores in the area, it became clear to me that this was no way to secure my Douchebag Ken. Carmen has spent enough time alone. So I decided to order him online. They were on sale at Target (but not Target.com) for $17 so I hated spending the extra money at BarbieCollector.com.

He arrived today and I opened the package only to be disappointed. He looked crazy.

But that's okay. Buy Barbies often enough and you know you have to do at least SOME work to make them usable. I was ready to get started.

So begins the grievances:

He doesn't have a typical Ken head. By which I mean his neck hole is a "female", like typical action figure guys, not a "male" like most Ken dolls. So that Fashionista body I've been holding onto? Useless.  (I'm sure there's some adapter type thing you clever doll folk know about but still, it's the principle!)

So first, I comb him out:

 I dunked and dumped boiling-ish water, then cold on him. I clipped the stray hairs.

But the more I shot him the more dame-like this dude looked. The hubs said he looked transgendered and I should put him on an action figure girl body.

I suddenly got a flash of a glamorous tragic figure like in Priscilla or Too Wong Fu. But I had to give him a shot as a gypsy. I did what I usually do and take a little liquid liner, draw on some thick eyebrows and an awesome moustache. Everything I did made him gayer. A gay Vlad Tepes or Guy Fawkes.

So I went to wash it off as normal. But the liquid liner STAINED! What? What new fangled vinyl is this? With enough scrubbing I did manage to get it off. But a casualty. His eyebrows all came off. Okay, not totally but enough to make me brave. So I took some nail polish remover and q-tips and with some care, the eyebrows are almost totally gone.

I think he looks like the lead singer of The Dandy Warhols here:

So with no eyebrows, he was a bit manlier and looked kinda gothy. I thought hey why not? Slap him in a poet's shirt and call it a day.

Look, Love and Rockets!

So yeah, I don't know. I'm thinking a decent hairdo and some piercings and he might be an okay date for Sooki. But I saw a 20/20 special starring a homeless transgendered teen and it really stuck with me.

After all, what fun would a happily committed gypsy lady be? She should be a temptress and come to town and steal all the men, right?

I dunno, we'll see. I hate when things don't work out as you'd planned. These dolls keep thinking for themselves!

I guess I'll put him in a dress and see how he feels about it...

smooches,
dani